Refreshed

We are finishing up the last day or two of our vacation/getting our documents. I am sitting in a beautiful church in Curitiba. I would move here if it wasn’t so stinking cold. It is amazing to me that over the course of these two weeks it is only in the last day that I have began to feel refreshed. Really it was last night that it all started to come together.

We got to Curitiba in time to visit the Wednesday night service of Calvary Chapel. Tom Stowe is currently pastoring here and we only met him last week. He is using Wednesday night as a worship, prayer, sharing, let the Spirit of God move kind of time. It was really beautiful. We started the evening by just waiting on the Lord, sitting a few minutes in silence and letting the busyness of life drift away. Letting God speak into our hearts before we entered into worship. During that time the song Shout to the Lord began going through my mind. I realized that in the last 3 weeks we have been with 3 different pastors, been in 3 cities, been in slums and rich neighborhoods. The one thing all men can do to be refreshed and healed is to shout to the Lord.

Sometimes we get so busy trying to figure out what we are doing. Whether it is work, college, retirement, missions, pastoring or even just being a kid. We get busy, we get rushed, we get tired and we get more broken.

I walked into a pharmacy inside the City of God a fairly notorious slum. 10 feet away I knew the guy behind the counter loves Jesus. It shown all over his being. He was reflecting the glory of God in his daily job. Excited to meet me and far more excited to know I was there as a missionary. His face shown with joy. He lives in a very hard, very poor place but he is living for the purpose which he was created.

I get frustrated, bitter, impatient and begin to compare myself to others when I loose sight of that purpose. The more I look around at all the other broken people the more I loose sight of who I am and what God is doing in me. The more I feel like a failure, the more I need to serve God to feel good, the more I need to think of myself. The more I think of myself the more broken I become.

Last night as I just remembered to shout to the Lord and enter into worship, for me that is often just listening and reflecting as singing is not one of my gifts, I was refreshed. We have had a relaxing wonderful time. The kids got to surf, I got to a little. We were blessed to lay on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. To visit a city many people only dream of going to. However that only prepared me for the refreshment I really needed.

As we worshiped and sought the Lord I seen all I need to do is praise Him. Looking up, looking directly at who has made me, looking for His pleasure not mine is what cures me of the sin that engulfs our world. If we don’t look up, glorify the lord, live our lives as an offering we will just continue to be tired. To be broken and dis-satisfied. If we praise Him, we will leave the things of this world behind and begin to see things in a very different way.

As we finish this time I see we have freedom. In the next 6 months to 1 year I believe we will finish our time in Foz. I don’t know that for certain but it is the sense I have. It isn’t a great place for our family to live. It lacks a lot of the things we would normally do to relax. We are satisfied in the ministry we are doing there but we have the freedom as we continue to learn and grow as missionaries and in the language to begin looking and praying for an area that suits us better. The point isn’t where we live or serve but do we glorify Him with the gifts and talents he has given us.

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Much on our minds

We have had such a good first year. Officially July 2 was our 1 year anniversary in Brazil, but we got to Foz around the 20th. There is still so much to learn about Brazil, about being missionaries, about us as a family but this seems to be a time to start focusing on how to bring the different ideas and visions together into a plan.

What I mean, after a year of being here inhibited by language and newness you realize a lot of ideas have crossed your mind. It feels very much like the first year I had in business, everything you do you think is going to be the thing that takes off. Often it is actually just a one time thing but then later becomes a small piece of the overall picture. The lack of ability to communicate and a family of 6 prevent most of them from taking off. Eventually as many of you have read we began helping the church do a lunch for people who need help. This then led to us starting a service for kids because of the response we have been getting.

We had a group from Canada here for 2 weeks. They really focused much of their energy on youth ministry and outreach with that group of kids. They gave us a great boost and now we have a large group that seem to desire to grow.

Now what? We are able to get going. We have some momentum. Now what? God seems to be giving us clear eyes to see mistakes we have made. To see things we can do better. To see a picture of how those ideas fit  together. A vision of the ministry that is before us.

We need to learn how to incorporate this group of kids into the church. Right now it isn’t working real well. We are trying to get a service going for them on another day and get the parents to quit sending younger ones to services. We don’t have the space to educate adults and kids. We end up trying to contain the kids instead of educating.

We are going to begin praying about starting a youth center in one of the more at risk neighborhoods. Somewhere that would be set up as a youth outreach but could have bible studies. We are going to pray for people to come along side us in this and pray for contacts with churches in the area that want to learn and grow in youth outreach.

We are going to look for an opportunity to visit the west of Brazil. The Pantanal is perhaps the poorest and least evangelized part of Brazil. Melissa and I have a continuous growing desire to minister in a simpler place.

Next week we are going to leave on vacation in faith. We don’t exactly have the money but we need some papers from the US embassy. It will cost us an extra $650 or so to have the family go to Rio instead of just me. I believe this is a necessary time of rest and prayer. Tim is leaving and the church is transitioning to Brazilian leadership. I may or may not be a part of helping them. Regardless this is our time to begin stepping out and building our ministry. We need to pray first. Pray for God’s provision and an opportunity to connect with the YWAM bases that are already doing much of what is on our heart.

 

Thanks and love you all.

Adrenaline

We have had a great week. A group from Edmonton has been here for a week. They are helping with many things at church. Much of their first week they did things with the kids and youth we have been working with.

Last Sunday they were around and did a song with the kids at our normal program. Then we went out the next day and invited kids back to the church for a vbs they had planned. We had rough weather and the kids were a tad stand offish at first. I made more trips back and forth in our van then ever before and we managed to get a decent number. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday they did a vbs in the afternoon and then a coffee shop in the evening.

It seemed like the vbs was kind of spiritual warfare. In all honesty the kids come to play ping pong and suffer through the lessons. They were doing a longer program then the kids were used too and they complained relentlessly that they wanted to play ping pong. It was driving me nuts.

Going through the favelas inviting kids we were able to pray for some people. One man has a swollen infected foot that I don’t like to think about. Another is a 96 year old Grandma that wants to try and go to church. Last night her feet hurt and her daughter didn’t think she could walk the path up to the road. This highlights the thought that we may need to do something in their neighborhood soon.

Friday and Saturday they did youth conferences. It is hard here in Brazil to distinguish youth, that seems to include anyone who comes. We had told the youth if they went to both nights they could go free to Recanto do Gaucho, a farm where they have playgrounds, horses, food, music, pools in the summer and even an Alligator.

Saturday they made a very clear presentation of the gospel. They had the room divide themselves into those who knew they would go to heaven and those who weren’t sure. Then invited all who wanted to be sure to pray with them. Everyone prayed. There is still much work to be done but what a boost.

Sunday the kids all looked very excited and played all day at the farm. They ate a ton. We sent 30 kids or so by city bus several miles out of town. Then I and a couple others shuttled them down the lane. They start cooking the ribs at 8 in the morning and serve them at 2. I loved taking three of the little girls to look at the Alligator. They turned and ran at the drop of a hat.  Even after the 5 hours there and 2 bus rides most of the kids stayed for church. We were tired, they were tired, church was hard but praise God they are beginning to listen.

Today Melissa is with the group helping them at a school for the mentally and physically handicapped. Something she has wanted to do for months. Pray she has a great time and sees doors open for future volunteering. God is so faithful.

Pray for us, we have seen provision of money for a washing machine and to cover the Federal police fees we had a couple weeks ago.

• We are still a bit short for our bills and food the last week of this month.
• We also need to make a trip to Rio or Sao Paulo right away to get some papers.
• We need to focus on finishing our residency in August and September.
• We need wisdom how to follow up with these kids and their families.

Tim and TaLisa will be leaving very soon. The guys in the church will have their hands full learning to run the church and minister to the current crowed. They are more then capable and will do well. This will put more responsibility on us to invest in the families we have been working with. We don’t know if that will mean bridging the gaps for them into this body or trying to create a body within their neighborhood and meeting their needs. God knows, we just need to pray.

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A year in another land

After our first year in Brazil ended ten days ago we reflected quite a bit on how much change we had gone through. How hard or actually how impossible it would be to go back now. We aren’t the same people. I’m not saying it makes us better people or that everyone should try it. Just that in our case it created a time of isolation, a time of concentrated growth. It has been like a green house, creating conditions inside our family that didn’t necessarily exist around us.

At times we had too much time on our hands at times we tried to be busy and create opportunity. It took us time to get patient and relax, to settle in and let God begin opening doors. I think maybe we are getting there. Settling in to our own, looking for opportunities but not pushing. Willing to take them but not desperate for something to do.

Now, we are continuing to work with kids from a hard neighborhood. We went by there the other night for a street party they were having. It is an annual festival, kind of a winter or harvest thing. Overall it was pretty cool but seeing the 13-15 year olds openly drinking in front of their parents was a bit hard. Also seeing some of them starting to reject us a bit as they realize we are missionaries, there to see them submit to Christ. This begins to demonstrate for us what Jesus went through leaving heaven to come to earth and be rejected. It is all worth it to hear Vitor yell Ben and get hit at 50 mph with a giant hug. Many of the girls are real sweet too. We are growing in our heart for the girls as we go there and see the girls Moriahs age ceasing to play and starting to look for more sexual attention.

What does this next year bring, we aren’t sure. I think it brings more growth, a beginning of understanding how a family of 6 ministers, more clarity in where God is calling us and many more things we can’t foresee. The bottom line is a family of 6 moves slow and seemingly inefficient. However with the kids in school, Melissa having different relationships, me going out to get things we need for the house and so on I am beginning to see how God can multiply our ministry through our numbers. We all have a place and we are our own ministry team. That is if we let God develop it naturally around what he wants to do with us.

Thank you all for your prayer and support. Here are some upcoming needs you can pray for and consider helping with.

• To finish our residency we need to see $1500-2000 dollars come in
• Our wash machine broke and we really need one, 6 people clothes by hand isn’t going to work $600
• We need some more storage furniture for the house. I am building a bed right now with drawers under it but we are under furnished. Items range $400-$800
• We may best minister by starting a part time business, giving jobs to people and making a little money to help with ministry expenses. We need wisdom for this. What kind, what days, selling American food, building furniture. There may be some license and other start up costs if we do this. $500-1000

Embracing Our Inadequacy

Friday as I (Ben) talked with a new boy at Ciad he showed me a picture of his girlfriend. She was 7 or 8 months pregnant in the photo and he told me she gave birth one month ago. He had told me he had about 3 or 4 months inside already and hoped to get out within one or two years. As I looked at the photo I was beginning to loose it, I couldn’t handle the thought of the repeating cycle that brought Kleber there and will likely bring his children there. I asked him if she lived close, he quickly responded she lives with me, correcting himself with she did. He went on to say she went to stay with her mom for the help but when he gets out she will come live with me again. He is almost 17. My heart was breaking looking at a boy that hoped to have a family with a girl he left to have their baby while he is in prison. In my mind I knew the reality is she is likely already with someone else. It’s the lifestyle. What do I say?

Saturday we had a lot of people come to lunch once again. Many of the same kids, coming to eat, play some ping pong and go back home. Homeless people that come. Guys in their 20s leaving society behind to smoke crack. They don’t even realize they are homeless yet. Their minds are still lucid enough to have a conversation with you but you can see it fading right before your eyes. Some of the street women we interact with are pregnant and I have been unfortunate enough to pass and catch them smoking crack.

Sunday as Melissa and I were at the church preparing for the kids to come we sat down to pray. Both feeling overwhelmed and underprepared. We sat asking God to do something, to help us focus, to give us direction, wondering if any kids would come in the cold weather. We ended up with about 20 kids coming on their own without us going and getting anyone. Lori had to rearrange her teaching a bit and put the flannel graph away as mostly teenagers came. Melissa taught the older ones to make pancakes. I played ping pong with the boys. Lori summed up our Memory vs. Matt. 6:33 with an almost word for word edition of what I was about to say. Melissa had just given her testimony and it seemed to crack through a few hard shells.

Today, I realize all the little things we are doing don’t matter. We are completely inadequate and need to embrace that. It isn’t bad. We need to remember that 0 times infinity is 0 but 0 times God is infinity. Our efforts in their best form will fail to change the hearts of even one lost soul. However when you multiply our worthless effort times and infinite creator you have limitless possibilities.

After a weekend of reflection and revelation what has changed? Very little outside of perspective but that can be a big change. This church is a few weeks away from being turned over to Brazilian leadership. Tim is leaving. We have been here a year learning language and culture and helping with a few things. As this unfolds I realize I need to begin to watch more closely what God is doing in our own lives. We are seeing doors open and observing needs in a certain neighborhood. Perhaps we need to begin to focus our energies and efforts there. The time may be here to spend our time and energy zeroing in on the thing God has put in front of us and start saying no to things that distract us from that. I have been a learner of language, culture, style, ministry of Tim but perhaps now it is time to focus on learning more of who we are in ministry. That is a big change. It doesn’t mean we are leaving the church to start our own now. It doesn’t necessarily mean any change in schedule now but it certainly means to focus our observations more inward and on what God is doing with us.

At the end of this first year, just one week away, pray for us. We are so thankful and have been so blessed. We have been provided for month to month. We are learning the language. The kids are well. The first half of our residency is taken care of. We have a wonderful asset in our Kombi, VW bus. We still need to see the last part of our residency settled. We need around $1,500 us to finish that. We need to see in increase in our monthly support as costs have increased here and the dollar fell. Also we may need more for ministry and not just living. God knows all this and we aren’t worried. We also would like to visit Oregon and maybe Kansas later this year. It is all in the Lord’s hands.

 

Bless you all

Tired, confused, excited, hesitant……

There is no end of words we could use to describe our state of mind. God is beginning to do things we aren’t ready for. 2 months ago we were thinking of moving to another city because nothing was happening, now I am completely overwhelmed. What do we do with what is happening?

It isn’t like we had some word from the Lord “Go to this neighborhood and start something with these kids”. Frankly we were bored and looking for something to “mess around with” while waiting for what God might be leading us too. We thought we would be going to another city and perhaps taking over a kids ministry there. We don’t want to start something. We don’t “KNOW” Portuguese, we don’t know where to begin with so many problems in front of us.

However, yesterday we went to their neighborhood where Melissa and Jerus played soccer with them. As I walked the streets, where there was at least a couple hundred people all I could hear was Ben look at me, sit here, Ben what city are you from, Ben come here, hey kombi man. It was like I have 50 kids. Melissa being one of them, she was in her skirt and nice shirt from doing kids ministry and covered in red dirt head to toe. Lori and I were watching the game and I mentioned how dirty Vitor was, a very cute, very toublemaking half of a set of boy girl twins. Vitor and Vitoria, they really are special. Lori responded “have you seen Melissa”.

Where it is taking us we don’t know but this I do. When I woke up this morning the little part of me that always feels bad about raising support, asking for money and the idea that the money is for us, was gone. I realized we aren’t raising support so we can live in Brazil, we are raising money for them. Right now, they are on track to rinse and repeat.  They are going to repeat the life of their parents, of their community, of poverty, of drugs, sex, hopelessness and violence. When we are looking for support it isn’t because we don’t want to work. Believe me, I want to go back, start my business again and by a couch that doesn’t kill my back. Give my kids birthday presents and parties, see my daughter start middle school with Jessica and Molly.

The next 6 months to a year we are going to try things, fail, succeed and undoubtedly feel unprepared and useless. Hopefully we learn a few things. We are going to need to raise some money from both the US and Brazil to perhaps rent a building, buy games, feed people, who knows. We are going to need to build a team of helpers. We absolutely need to wait on the Lord and make sure what He is doing. In the end I hope we have touched some lives with the love of Jesus. I hope we can share the truth of His word with kids, teens, parents, friends and the hope that comes from a lifetime of obedience.

I feel like I have learned so much the last couple months and I can’t  wait to see what God teaches us next. Tim had suggested getting a ping pong table a while ago, someone said I have legs, Tim bought a $50 piece of MDF and I mad a table. He got a net and paddles and it transformed our church. We had problems with new people getting to know old people. Between a ping-pong table and me cooking some American foods on Wednesdays we have seen fellowship happen in a whole new way. Last night 30 or so people were hanging out at the church playing and watching ping pong. We left early and got home at mid-night. The pizza hadn’t even came yet.

God is teaching us to trust him. Build relationship, try things, trust simple ideas and learn to be free to say we need things. I didn’t want to ask for a car but I want to once again say thank you and it is a large factor in so many positive things happening. Before a car I couldn’t even get my tools to the church to make a ping pong table. We couldn’t get groceries and have energy left to go into a neighborhood to meet people.

You are all loved. We miss you all, especially yesterday. I long to be home and with you. However, we now are beginning to see what God has created us for. I challenge you, take risks, sacrifice your time and see how you can be blessed in the service of our savior.